If you watch TV, you will almost certainly have seen the new, revolutionary “shake weight”. You know, that simple and easy to use device that will make you convulse while simultaneously ripping you to shreds so you can achieve that physique you always wanted? If not, I’m going to get you up to date (for those wishing to enjoy a moment of comedy since the last TV ad they’ve seen for it, please join):
Both the shake weight videos are reproduced below. The first is shake weight for men, and the second is shake weight for women.
Now, let’s begin to unravel the secrets of this mind-boggling contraption. For starters, notice how the only thing that is different about the shake weight in both videos is the color of it and perhaps a slight design change to fit the expected stereotype of what each sex considers favorable in terms of design. Keeping that in mind, apparently the shake weight is so incredible that I am assuming it can adapt to each individual and figure out what their stereotypical goals are as soon as they grasp it in their hands (since both shake weights are the same except for those minor aesthetic changes), or they sprayed some magical color on it that allows the shake weight to do one thing for women, and another for men (coincidentally based on what you’d expect each to strive for in terms of fitness goals). Unbelievable, right?
In the first video for men, the shake weight is being held by a guy with a great physique (and we’re supposed to assume he got it by shake-weighting), and that for his workouts all he does is 6 minutes of convulsing. Clearly, I need to cancel my gym membership. While I’m at it, might as well go start eating pizzas for every meal, cause it doesn’t matter what my overall caloric intake is, shake weight is going to rip me up. In the ad, they display the guy trying to do a dumbbell press for shoulders and say that it “isolates one muscle in one direction”. Oh really? Last time I checked the dumbbell shoulder press is a compound movement that involves the triceps too. However, let’s not dwell on this short little misunderstand any longer because the shake weight has something nobody has ever heard of before, “dynamic inertia”.
Wow, dynamic inertia. The shake weight, while it’s in your hands and functioning, makes you shake like an epileptic so well that you could audition for heart attack scenes in Hollywood. Oh, but dynamic inertia…there’s a hidden power, for it allows your muscles to perform up to 240 repetitions a minute. What are these repetitions? Apparently the convulsions qualify as repetitions that tax your muscles enough to achieve muscle fatigue and grow. And I was over here at the gym yesterday doing squats…for what? I could’ve just dynamic inertia’d my legs by attempting to hold the shake weight with my feet. Stupid me. It gets better though. The shake weight works so well that in those 6 minutes when it’s furiously attempting to free itself from the clutch of your hands, it burns enough calories that you can compare it to a 42 minute dumbbell work out. I didn’t know all dumbbell workouts are the same (me squatting with dumbbells is going to burn the same amount as me doing bicep curls?), but the shake weight is “science fact”, so let’s leave it at that. I could write a book as there’s much more claims in the video for men, but let’s check out the female one.
Here we go again, this time the same shake weight transforms its function in the hands of a female and viciously attacks the stubborn underarm fat (coincidentally one of the most popular fitness goals that women hope to take care of is removing the fat in that region). It will no longer attempt to get a female ripped to shreds with big shoulders and large arms, instead, all of a sudden it’s going to get her fit, removing the fat from the places she’d love to get it off of first. Dynamic inertia now focuses on removing arm fat in females, by “targeting your biceps and triceps”. Last time I checked, you couldn’t use exercises to lose belly fat but dynamic inertia makes sure to defy all logic and do the impossible. Keeping in line with the 240 repetitions per minute found in the men’s video, dynamic inertia will ensure that the female will only need to remove the arm fat yet specifically target amazing muscle growth in men. Success at its finest.
Now, let’s get serious for a minute. The shake weight is a joke, as you can see it makes absolutely ridiculous claims, and we’ve illustrated a variety of them here for those of you who want some concrete evidence of why this thing is a scam (there’s more claims in the videos…unfortunately). Don’t buy into this quick and easy method of doing something that takes hard work and a good diet (maintenance calories) to achieve, there is no quick and easy way, and if there was, it certainly wouldn’t be the shake weight. I’ve linked you to a few articles on this site that will help you with your goals in this article, because they give you the real truth on how to accomplish the claims of the shake weight. You can start with Alan Aragon’s Nutrition Facts. If you’re serious about changing your body, check them out and I hope you find them useful, and when the shake weight ad comes on TV, enjoy the laughter. Good Luck!
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